The Private and Unexpurgated Memoirs of a Medical Gentleman in Great Britain and the New World

Part I

Author's Introduction

Dear reader, I earnestly hope you derive pleasure from this set of memoirs culled from my memories of many glorious years spent in perfecting l'art de faire l'amour. Many readers of this distinguished journal are members of Society, so my name will not be unknown to them. After all, Doctor Edward Marmaduke DuCane Parsifal, Member of the Royal College of Physicians, Fellow of the Royal College of Surgeons and Sometime Visiting Professor at the Universities of Washington and Bombay, is a name with whom the very highest in the land have been well acquainted. Not that I am one to stand upon ceremony, you understand. I far prefer the simple sobriquet of Doctor Teddy than any other mode of address. I hope to entertain you with the recall of some of the bizarre, intimate incidents of my younger days, already recorded in a secret journal, but which the editor of The Oyster, whose name must never be mentioned for fear of police informants, and my dear old friends Doctor Jonathan Arkley and Sir Clive Freedman, have persuaded me are worthy of a wider readership amongst the cognoscenti. So the time has come to share my most exciting experiences of a personal nature, and I must warn readers of a delicate disposition that, unfashionable though it be in this age of euphemism, I insist on calling a spade a spade and refuse to mince words for the benefit of mealy-mouthed hypocrites who wish to bowdlerise our good old-fashioned Anglo-Saxon vulgarities. I doubt, however, that there are many such personages amongst the readership of this robust journal! So settle down and enjoy my jottings, and may I take this opportunity of wishing you all, ladies and gentlemen, a Happy New Year of licking and lapping, sucking and fucking in 1887.