2. Go to your home center or hardware store and get a caulking gun and enough caulking to plug your door and window holes. A typical door hole will require 750 tubes of caulking, but you’ll save so much energy that the caulking job will easily pay for itself by the time the Earth establishes permanent colonies on the planet Jupiter.
3. Apply the caulking in such a manner that Old Man Winter will be unable to waltz through the door hole.
Chapter 8. Masonry: At Last, A Practical Use For Maine
“Masonry” is a term used in the building profession to describe any kind of building material that can fall on you and kill you. The big advantage of masonry structures is that they last thousands of years; the only real drawback is that they eventually become haunted. The two most popular projects for do-it-yourselfers are walls and pyramids.
How To Build A Wall
1. Drive two stakes into the ground and stretch a string between them to serve as a guide for where your wall will be.*
2. Attach a row of bricks or other masonry units to your string. Always start from the top, so your wall will have a nice, even appearance.
3. Using cement or masking tape, attach a second layer of masonry units under the first, and so on, forming tasteful and traditional masonry patterns. Do not remove the string until your wall reaches all the way to the ground.
*Despite what many so-called professionals will tell you, your string should not be level with respect to the horizon. You probably can’t even see the horizon from where you live, so the hell with it. Your string should be level with respect to the ground. This principle was discovered thousands of years ago by the ancient Chinese when they built the Great Wall of China to keep out the marauding barbarian hordes. If the ancient Chinese had been so stupid as to build the Great Wall parallel to the horizon, the barbarians would have been able to barge right into China.