Только ёжика трахнет лишь круглый дурак. Можно ёжика стукнуть, а можно и пнуть, Можно тросточкой ёжика в пузико ткнуть, Можно в ёжика из револьвера пальнуть, А о том, чтобы трахнуть — и думать забудь. И в конце трудового тяжелого дня, Трахнув тигра, летучую мышь и слепня, Ты воскликнешь устало: "Ну, что за фигня! Этот долбаный ёжик затрахал меня!"

The Hedgehog Song, v1.7

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Reconstructed by Matthew Crosby and alt.fan.pratchett from the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett

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Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do

But I have to say this as a warning to you:

With almost all animals, you can have ball

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 1: The spines on his back are too sharp for a man

They'll give you a pain in the worst place they can

The result I think you'll find will appall:

The hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Mounting a horse can often be fun

An elephant too; though he weighs half a ton

Even a mouse (though his hole is quite small)

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 2: The spines on his back are so awful thick

you'll end up with naught but a painful prick.

He has an impregnable hole when curled up in a ball,

Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Screwing a cow while she goes moo-moo

Will be entertaining to both her and you

Or you might try a tiger, if you have enough gall

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS 3: (So here's to the hedgehog, he's sharp as they come

You'll never get through his impregnable bum

With his nose up his arsehole and rolled in a ball