The hedgehog can never be buggered at all)

CHORUS

A fish is refreshing, although a bit wet

And a cat or a dog can be more than a pet

Even a giraffe (despite being so tall)

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You can manage a snake, though its poison might kill

It's amazing how humping a camel will thrill

You can go with a snail if you slow to a crawl

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You can ravish a sloth but it would take all night

With a shark it is faster, but the darned beast might bite

We already mentioned the horse, you may recall

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

You can roger a skunk if you can stand the smell

Or even an oyster, should he let go of his shell

A troll can be rocky if down you should fall

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

For slippery fun, you can cornhole an otter

Or pego a pig after parting his trotters

Or tumble a tapir, though the prospect appall

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

For prosimian fun, you can bugger a lemur

To bolster your name as a pervert and schemer

The lemurs cry "Frink!" as a coy mating call

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

Antipodean pranks — you can futter a wombat

Or strive with a 'roo in venereal combat

Or hump a goanna — go on, do it all

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

CHORUS

A moose is amusing, a squid quite confusing

Or try on a rhino if you fancy a bruising,

Or mountin' a mountain goat (careful, don't fall!)

But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.