SIR RODNEY MACINTOSH

Musical Director and Principal Conductor of the RSO. Absolute sweetie and sly old fox, who lets others do the worrying.

GEORGIE MAGUIRE

World-famous singer and song writer.

CARL MATTHESON

Homespun American contestant in the Appleton Piano Competition.

JUNO MEADOWS

Second Flute of the RSO. Tiny and tantalizingly pretty, known as the ‘Steel Elf’.

MARY MELVILLE

Principal Second Violin of the RSO. A doting mother known as ‘Mary-the-Mother-of-Justin’.

SISTER MERCEDES

A very butch nun.

QUINTON MITCHELL

Third Horn of the RSO who wants to be First Horn.

SALVADOR MOLINARI

A naughty Colombian playboy.

MILITANT MOLL

A fiercely feminist rank-and-file viola player of the RSO.

ALEXEI NEMEROVSKY

Principal dancer of the Cossak Russe Ballet Company, known as ‘The Treat from Moscow’.

NELLIE NICOLSON

Third Desk cellist of the RSO known as ‘Nellie the Nympho’.

NINION

Second Oboe. Militant Moll’s exceedingly hen-pecked boyfriend.

NORIKO

An adorably pretty Japanese; rank-and-file First Violin of the RSO.

DECLAN O’HARA

Irish television presenter and megastar. Managing director of Venturer Television.

DEIRDRE O’NEILL

Irish judge at the Appleton Piano Competition, fond of a drop, known as ‘Deirdre of the Drowned Sorrows’.

VICTOR (VIKING) O’NEILL

First Horn and hero of the orchestra because of his great glamour, glorious sound and rebellious attitude. The Godfather of the Celtic Mafia.