Getting pregnant is an extremely major thing to do, especially for the woman, because she has to become huge and bloated and wear garments the size of cafe awnings. This is the woman’s job, and it is a tradition dating back thousands of years to a time when men were not available for having babies because they had to stand outside the cave night and day to fend off mastodons.

Of course, there is very little mastodon-fending to be done these days, but men still manage to keep themselves busy, what with buying tires and all. So it is still pretty much the traditional role of the woman to get pregnant and go through labor and have the baby and feed it and nurture it up until it is old enough to throw a football with reasonable accuracy.

In recent years, however, men have become more involved in childbirth and child-rearing as part of a federally mandated national trend. Under the terms of this trend, men are beginning to see that they can free themselves from the restrictions of their self-made macho prisons and allow themselves to show their emotions openly—to laugh, to cry, to love, to just generally behave like certified wimps. What this means to you males is that if you get a female pregnant, you are now expected to behave in an extremely sensitive manner and watch the baby come out. I will explain how to do this later.