. . . like some things are missing. . .

. . . want some things for myself. . .

. . . need some things, too ....

The therapist's ears need to be tuned, to be open to detect those parts of the verbal messages which do not pick out specific parts of the speaker's world of experience. If the therapist is willing not to assume that he understands the generalities which he hears, he can make some meaning of them. Specifically, rather than assuming that his concept of the generalities being spoken is the same as the family member intends to communicate, the therapist can take the time and energy to determine more precisely the message from the person with whom he is working. The therapist may accomplish this in a graceful and sincere way by asking the other person to specify exactly to what he is referring when he uses those generalities.

It is important for us to emphasize that, while the therapist is using the pattern of language assumptions (presuppositions), embedded questions and polite commands (conversational postulates) to gather information and to establish individual contracts for change with the family members, he is also offering information to them. The therapist gives his understanding of the messages presented by the family; for example, as he asks questions such as:

What specific changes do you hope for for yourself?

he subtly presents his interpretation of what the family's presence for therapy means to him — namely, that their task is to make changes. This give-and-take process is an example of communication as well as being a communication in itself.

In each of Dave's responses, the therapist can identify a language form which fails to specify for the therapist some particular part of Dave's experience — the form: some things.