During her pregnancy your wife will have many emotional moods caused by the fact that there are gallons of hormones racing around inside her. The two of you will be sitting in your living room, watching the evening news on television, when all of a sudden she’ll run into the bedroom in tears because of a report about a monsoon wiping out a distant Asian village. Follow her. Comfort her. Tell her: “They’re just distant Asians, for God’s sake.”
Teaching Your Child in the Uterus
Can you teach your child while it’s still in the uterus? The answer is yes, at least according to this couple I saw on the “Phil Donahue Show” once, and I don’t see why they would lie about it. Their kids all came out of the womb with a deep appreciation for classical music. Frankly, I don’t understand why parents think this is so important, because as I recall my youth, children who appreciated classical music were infinitely more likely to get beat up on the playground. The smart move, if you want your child to have the respect and admiration of its peers, would be to teach it how to spit convincingly or lead cheers.
But never mind what you teach the child while it’s in the uterus; the important thing is that you can teach it, and you’d better, if you want it to get into Harvard Medical School. Of course, the teaching method has to be very simple. I mean, you can’t go in there with slide projectors or anything. Where would you plug them in? So you’ll pretty much have to content yourself with yelling at the stomach. This is the man’s job, because let’s face it, the woman would look pretty stupid yelling at her own stomach.